TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT

 

This is the first time this full story has ever been told……

 

About a month after the incident with Klarholz’s boss, Ringmaster and Princess went for a weekend visit with Klarholz. Ringmaster was playing video games with the other kids when Papão came into the room and sat down to play with us. The other kids ran outside to play but Ringmaster stayed inside. At first the conversation between them was innocent, about the game, dinner that night, but it slowly turned more personal. Papão started asking Ringmaster questions about how they felt about boys, if they had any crushes, and then he asked them for details on what had happened with Kenny Bill. Ringmaster had wrongly assumed that he was just trying to be a helpful safe person to talk to about the experience but little did they know that Papão was using this information for his own sick pleasures.

 

When Princess and Ringmaster visited at Klarholz’s they would sleep wherever there was a free spot. Princess often bunked with Hegység in the back bedroom and Ringmaster was left to sleep on the dogs’ couch out in the den. Ringmaster was a night owl and would often stay up late watching movies long after most of the rest of the house had gone to sleep. Papão would sometimes watch movies with them in the den, leaning over during the funny parts to tickle Ringmaster. Most of the time these tickle fits would end with the movie and then he would go to his room for the night.

 

One time the tickle fit didn’t end with the movie though. Papão had Ringmaster giggling pretty good and the movie was long over. He told them to follow him to his room so their laughter wouldn’t disturb those who were sleeping. They got up and followed him, unsure of what would happen next.

 

Papão told Ringmaster to sit on the bed, turned off the regular lights and turned on the black lights that they hadn’t even noticed were there. The black lights lit up the painted designs on the walls and gave the room a purple glow. Papão climbed onto the bed, laid down and patted the area next to him, indicating to Ringmaster that that was where he wanted her to sit. They followed the instruction but could feel in their gut that something was not right.

 

Ringmaster laid a little ways away at first, unsure of why they were being asked to do this. Then he pulled them a closer and kissed them. Papão was 17, and Ringmaster was only 9. Overwhelming feelings rushed over them and Ringmaster started to feel themselves drift, a disconnect growing between their mind and body. He started moving his hands over their body, touching and groping and he moved his hands downward. They froze. Panic started to set in but it showed up as chattering teeth and shivering which Papão thought meant they were cold so he instructed them to get under the covers with them. Ringmaster wasn’t sure what to do so they did as they were told.

 

Papão snuggled close to Ringmaster and began kissing them once again, his hands roaming over their body as they laid limp unsure of what was happening or what they were supposed to do. Papão slid his hand under the waistband of Ringmaster’s pants, running his fingers over their mons and then putting pressure between their labia. This created complicated feelings for them. They felt in their brain that what was happening was wrong, but he was creating sensations they had never experienced before and it felt good to their body. The disconnect between their brain and body became greater.

 

Ringmaster felt like they were floating above their body, watching everything that was happening like it was a movie and feeling powerless to do anything. Papão continued to kiss and fondle Ringmaster, and it wasn’t long before just staying above the cloth wasn’t good enough for him. He lifted the waistband of their panties and slid his fingers back to where they were before but now with less material between. The feelings were overwhelming for them.

 

Next thing they knew the suns rays were just creeping above the horizon and Papão told Ringmaster to go back to the couch. They numbly climbed off the bed and went through the utility room back to the den. They drifted off to sleep so confused about what had happened, and why. Did they do something to ask for this? Did they send the wrong message some how? Did Papão actually find them attractive and worthy of attention? The answer to all is no, but Ringmaster wasn’t mature enough at the time to understand.

 

Papão would repeat this pattern with Ringmaster often, the staying up late, tickling, then going back to his room. Over time the feelings of wrongness went away and feelings of infatuation began to take their place. Ringmaster started to enjoy the attention, thinking that there was something special about them that made him take notice. They didn’t know that he was a sick, demented man who was sexually attracted to children, and that they weren’t his only victim either.

 

Papão would send e-mails to Ringmaster, asking them questions and talking about things, telling them what he hoped to do to them next. Ringmaster knew the messages weren’t supposed to be read by others but they felt it was because they would get in trouble instead of him. They tried hard to keep the e-mails a secret but there were times when they were more careless than they should have been. The few people in the household that had suspicions made Ringmaster feel like they were disgusting, shameful, but yet did nothing to stop the abuse.

 

For several years Papão never went past molestation and fondling, always toeing the line and refraining from actual penetration. It wasn’t until Ringmaster came back from running away and had lost their virginity to another man at 14 years old that he felt emboldened enough to go further. There was a night when Ringmaster was sleeping over next door and they got an e-mail from Papão telling them to sneak out when the household was asleep, crawl into the back seat of his car, and wait for him. They obliged and within ten minutes he got into the driver’s seat and began driving away. When Ringmaster tried to sit up he immediately pushed her back down, telling her to wait until they got further away from the neighborhood.

 

It felt like they had laid there forever when they heard the brakes squeaking as the car slowed down and came to a stop. Papão helped pull them into the front seat and then started kissing them. As they were kissing he pulled his pants down, pulled out his penis, and started stroking it. He told them, “Come here,” and they responded, “I don’t give bjs.” He chuckled a little and said, “No, I want you to take off your pants and climb on top of me.” They were confused but they clumsily followed his instructions, removing their jammie bottoms and underwear. They climbed on top and felt his penis poke their thigh. His breath smelled like beer, cigarettes, and weed. It was off putting to them and made their stomach turn a little. They tried to readjust but Papão gripped their upper back tight while spitting on his hand, rubbing it on the head of his penis, and then trying to insert it into Ringmaster’s vagina. There was pain and discomfort, but they didn’t say anything for fear of disappointing him. He continued to push his penis in further causing them to wince. He pulled out a little more and they thought that meant they were done but they were wrong.

 

Papão thrusted in and out of Ringmaster’s vagina over and over again, telling them to just hover and he would do the work. They did as they were told but it was done robotically, their mind and body becoming more and more disconnected as each moment passed. Papão continued to have sex with Ringmaster for several minutes before eventually reaching orgasm. Ringmaster pretended they had climaxed as well, acting as they did in porns they had seen in the hopes that he wouldn’t be disappointed. He then readjusted his pants to where they were supposed to be, told Ringmaster to get their pants back on and go lay back down in the back seat. They did as they were told. Ringmaster felt so confused, ashamed, excited, scared, anxious, panicked, and much more while laying in the back seat. Papão fiddled with the radio and didn’t say anything to them, seemingly pretending that they weren’t there.

 

When Papão pulled back into the driveway he told Ringmaster to stay in the backseat for a few minutes and then sneak back next door so no one would be suspicious. He got out of the car and went into the house. Ringmaster waited and waited. When they felt that it had been long enough they slowly opened the car door, lightly shut it, and creeped back into the neighbor’s house. They laid down on the couch and tried hard to go to sleep but so many emotions were swirling in their heads that it wasn’t long before dawn came and the house started waking up. They didn’t get much sleep and definitely showed it with their attitude that day.

 

Just like before, Papão continued the pattern of emailing Ringmaster, making them feel wanted and noticed. He would send her instructions on what to do so that they could have sex in secret. By this time he was 21 and Ringmaster was 14. They would always meet after everyone was asleep and in hidden places. Once, he had them meet in the utility room after the house was quiet. He began kissing, fondling, and groping them, and Ringmaster could tell by his touches that he was going to pull their pants down soon. Their mind and body started to drift apart, their vision getting fuzzy around the edges and shifting between first person and above points of view. He pulled down their pants and lifted them up a little, the height difference more pronounced in this situation. He inserted his penis into their vagina and thrusted in and out for several minutes before climaxing, pulling out, and telling Ringmaster to go back to the couch quietly so no one gets suspicious. Ringmaster pulled up their pants and numbly walked back out to the den. They laid down on the couch and quickly drifted off to sleep.

 

When Ringmaster awoke that morning they felt off, numb, disconnected but had no words to explain their feelings. As time went on, that disconnect continued and their life began to deteriorate in all aspects. They struggled to learn and maintain grades in school and frequently lashed out at loved ones and friends, driving wedges in much needed relationships. They suffered in silence for years, scared to tell any other adult, but freely telling their friends wrongly thinking that the experience made them cool.

 

It wasn’t until the summer of 2006 that they finally broke down and told the truth about everything. They unloaded on their Màiri, telling all their secrets, sobbing as they slid down the wall in the hallway and sat on the floor. Màiri became enraged and immediately called the police. The more Ringmaster cried the more the connection between their brain and body drifted, eventually causing them to disassociate from the process of telling their story again to the cops, and then again to the detectives, and then again to have it recorded.

 

Next thing Ringmaster remembers they are being visited at school by two police officers to be given the news that Papão had been offered a plea deal in exchange for providing the names of all of his victims. They read off some names and asked them if they could help the detectives identify who they were. It was a huge shock for them to hear that some of the names of the victims he listed were several of his relatives, some of which were very young, and Princess. Ringmaster never imagined Princess had been being touched in the same ways and instantly filled with rage. They asked the officers how they could allow such a monster to hurt so many people and yet barely get in trouble for it and they were told that that is just how the law works. Ringmaster was horrified, angry, incensed. They were thanked for their cooperation and then sent back to class.

 

Papão was sentenced to less than 2 years for Rape of a Child in the 3rd degree, of which he served less than half, if that. Once he was released he hung around for a bit but then disappeared for a few years. He attempted to contact Ringmaster a few times, e-mailing them and even going so far as to text them. He told them that he had been hiding out in Montana, and had recently had fun at the Evel Knievel Days festival. Ringmaster forwarded this information to the local police but they weren’t too worried but someone that had failed to register as a sex offender.

 

He resurfaced again in 2016. This time he managed to make the newspaper. The local police were notified by the FBI, who had in turn been notified by Google concerning a large amount of child pornography saved on an account on their servers. The account was linked to Papão and it needed to be investigated. They made contact with him while smoking a cigarette on a porch and was recognized by his unique neck tattoos. He didn’t deny the accusations against him, telling the officers that he has a problem. The courts sentence him to 60 months in prison for the possession of child pornography.

 

He served 4 years before being released to live with his mother, Wendy Go. Ringmaster was notified that he had been released and made posts on social media to warn the public of the danger he poses. His sister, Hegység, did not like that her family’s business was being put out for the world to see and thought it was wise to send Ringmaster a message telling them that if they didn’t remove the posts then she would tell the town about their family’s secrets. Ringmaster told them they wouldn’t back down, and that it wasn’t wise to message their brother’s victim trying to blackmail them into being quiet.  It was a month later that Papão found himself signing back up for social media accounts, a few of which popped up on Ringmaster’s radar and they were able to get them taken off the internet. They could only do so much though.

 

Ringmaster lost track of what had happened to him for quite some time before finding a news article in April 2024 that was dated from December 2023 that stated Papão had been sentenced to a mandatory 10 years in federal prison for the possession, production, and distribution of child pornography. The indictment was chilling to read, and gave them nightmares and flashbacks. He sent nude photos of a child under the age of 12 that he referred to as a cousin to an undercover detective in England. He told that detective that he had a preference for them being under 10 years old. He said that he has an addiction to methamphetamine and that he only does this stuff when he’s high on meth. That is an excuse. Drugs don’t make you diddle kids! Ringmaster feels so much anger and rage towards the family for enabling Papão to continue to harm children for over 25 years now. They were heartbroken that there is another child out there who had their innocence stolen by him that was likely being told it was all their fault by their family. Ringmaster hopes that prison justice is swift, and that Papão wont live through this prison term and be given an opportunity to keep hurting kids.

 

The only way to rehabilitate a child predator is with a bullet. Period.

 

 

https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdwa/pr/yelm-washington-man-sentenced-ten-years-prison-possession-images-child-sexual-abuse

When Ringmaster was 9 years old they were living in a little small town and would frequently play at the school’s playground across the street. They would try to make friends with any kids that came to play. It wasn’t long before they ended up befriending their dad’s boss’s kids who lived just two blocks down. One was their age and the younger brother was a year or two younger than them. It was the end of August and they were on the trampoline at the boys’ house. It was hot outside and Ringmaster was wearing some jean short shorts. The kids were talking about Pokemon and showing each other their cards. They wanted to go inside and watch the Pokemon movie to which Ringmaster readily agreed. They had a slight little crush on the boy their age, Karl, and enjoyed spending time with him.

They were about halfway through the movie when Ringmaster’s dad’s boss, the boys’ stepdad, Kenny Bill, came home. He was talking with the boys’ mom in the kitchen, talking about how he needed a massage on his back. He then walked into the living room and asked the kids if they wanted to run errands with him. The boys said no, but Ringmaster eagerly agreed. They loved running errands with grownups at the time because there was always the possibility they would buy you a treat if you were well behaved. Kenny Bill told them to call their mom and let her know that they were going to run errands with him. They promptly did so.

Ringmaster hopped up in Kenny Bill’s truck and sat in the seat right next to the window, leaving the middle seat empty. It was an older truck with the big long bench seat. It had one of those scratchy multicolored seat covers on the seat and everything was covered in a light layer of dirt and dust. Kenny Bill hopped into the driver’s seat and asked them why they were sitting so far away, patting the middle seat and telling them to scootch closer. They unbuckled and did as they were told. They slid over and rebuckled where he had told them to sit, but they immediately felt uncomfortable being that close to him. He reeked of stale beer and cigarettes, and spittled a little with he talked. He had pulled out on the main street and drove right past where Ringmaster had thought they were going. They had assumed when they agreed to go with Kenny Bill that they were going to the massage place that was right in town, just a few blocks away from the house. They was wrong.

Kenny Bill drove right past where they had thought they were going, past Homer’s Grocery & Gas, and then turned down a road that they had not been down before. He fiddled with the radio while he smoked a cigarette and talked with them about random things. It wasn’t very long down the road before Kenny Bill put his hand on Ringmaster’s thigh and gripped it a little. The instant feeling of shame and repulsion was strong, but they had been taught to not make demands of adults. They got very still, except for their teeth. Every time they tried to talk their teeth would chatter and they would get shivers. Ringmaster didn’t know it then but that was one of the ways they display a panic attack. Kenny Bill gripped their thigh tighter but told them to roll up the window if they were feeling chilly because they hadn’t brought a jacket and all he had was the flannel he was wearing.

As Kenny Bill was driving down the winding road Ringmaster started to disassociate as Kenny Bill began to stroke and grip their thighs, inching their hand higher. He kissed and licked their hand leaving a slimey film on their skin. Ringmaster didn’t remember what roads they turned down or the direction driven, but they remembered bits of the scenery. There were so many trees, which was not uncommon for that area because it was Weyerhauser land. Kenny Bill started slowing down after they had been driving for a ways on a gravel road and then turned left. There was a mailbox that said Baker. This made their mind go on a daydream about bakers and bakeries. Kenny Bill pulled up to a small house, old, there was lots of foliage all over. He told Ringmaster to get out and come inside with him, and they did as they was told.

They walked inside the door and the inside of the house was not well lit, dingy, smoke hanging in the air, leaving a trail leading to a hunched over old man. He welcomed Kenny Bill and asked him who Ringmaster was. Kenny Bill told the old man that they were a friend of his kids’ and to not mind them, that they were a good girl. There were no chairs in the room, just a table in the middle of the room that was covered in a sheet. Ringmaster wasn’t sure what they should do so they stood by the door. The old man told Kenny Bill to lay down on the table on his stomach and that he’d have him “feeling right as rain in no time.” They conversed back and forth while Ringmaster tried to stand quietly, wishing they had brought a book to pass the time so instead they looked around the room. There were family photos on the walls, and there was a hallway across the room to the left.

After a few minutes, Kenny Bill beckoned them over to stand by the table next to him. His arms were hanging down the sides of the table, the old man was kneading his back. They were bickering back and forth about Kenny Bill’s health, the economy, the price of a coffee. Typical old man things. Ringmaster was zoning out on the conversation and started daydreaming when they felt something touch their legs. It was Kenny Bill’s hands. They were immediately yanked out of their daydream and felt sick to their stomach. They knew what he was doing was wrong, but felt frozen and stuck. Kenny Bill must have felt emboldened by the fact that his Massage Therapist couldn’t really see very far away because he slowly worked his hands up my thighs, gripping, squeezing, rubbing. It wasn’t long before his hands had found their way up to the bottom of the shorts. He kept trying to poke his fingers underneath the jean but they were too tight against the skin so instead he started squeezing Ringmaster’s butt and trying to rub his fingers between their legs. They squeezed my legs together as tightly as they could because they didn’t want this touch but didn’t feel they were allowed to say anything.

The massage therapist told Kenny Bill to turn over and he obliged. He immediately brought his hands back up to Ringmaster’s thighs before sliding them up to cup their butt cheeks. Ringmaster stared at the old man incredulously, silently begging him to look up to see what Kenny Bill was doing and stop him. The Massage Therapist never said a word, and he never looked up from what he was doing. They felt yucky, nauseous, sick, and filled with such deep shame, like they were the one that had done something wrong. That was one of the longest hours of their life.

They were elated when the time was up, thinking that they would just go back directly to his house and then they could go home and pretend nothing ever happened. They got back in Kenny Bill’s truck after he shook his massage therapist’s hand. Ringmaster tried once again to sit next to the window but Kenny Bill patted the middle section insisting that that is where he wanted them to sit instead. They sat in the middle, and his hand once again went to their thigh as he reversed back onto the gravel road, heading back towards town. He talked about this, that, and the other as he was driving but Ringmaster couldn’t pay attention to what he was saying. The drive back to town was a bit of a blur for them, but they do remember the feel that his calloused hands made on their legs, and holding back the feeling of wanting to vomit.

Before they knew it so much time had passed that they were turning back onto the main road and passing Homer’s. Kenny Bill pulled into the autobody shop next door to Homer’s and told Ringmaster that he needed to pickup a part for his truck. Ringmaster was thinking that once he parked they could open the truck door and run home. When Kenny Bill got out of the truck he told them to stay there and that they’d be going back to his house after. They kept repeating to themselves in their head that its just a couple of blocks home if they just open the door and run. Just open the door and run. Just open the door and run! They yelled that over and over to themself inside their head while they sat in the truck, frozen and unable to move. By time they got the courage to listen to themself Kenny Bill came out of the autobody shop and got into the truck. He noticed they had moved closer to the window and asked why. Ringmaster didn’t feel that he was going to be happy hearing the truth so they just told him that they got hot and wanted to feel a breeze. He accepted that and didn’t ask them to slide back next to him.

When they pulled back into his driveway they were getting ready to leap out when he asked them to wait, that he needed to talk to them. He handed them a dollar bill and asked them not to tell what he had done. Ringmaster took it, said ok, unbuckled, got out of the truck, hopped on their bike and pedaled home as fast as they could.

When they got home their mom surprised them as they walked into the apartment by telling them that it was housecleaning day. This was an unexpected change and they didn’t react well. They told their mom that they needed to go back to Kenny Bill’s really quick because they had forgotten their bike there. Their Mom told them fine, but to hurry back because they had to clean. Ringmaster rode their bike back to Kenny Bill’s and knocked on the door. When he answered they told him that they couldn’t lie to their mom and handed him the dollar bill back. Kenny Bill took it and told them he understood.

When they went back home the second time they collapsed on the floor and started to cry. They told their mom everything that had happened. She cried with them, and then yelled a lot while talking on the phone. Ringmaster felt dazed and just stared at the floor. They were filled with shame, anger, sadness, disgust.

The officer that came to the door was named Robert Lindsay. He let Ringmaster pick any stuffy they wanted from his trunk, which was FULL of them. Ringmaster picked one and didn’t let it go for weeks. They told Officer Lindsay what happened, he talked with their mom for a bit, and then asked them if they would be willing to take a ride with him and show him the route that Kenny Bill had taken them on. Ringmaster tried so hard to remember the way, but they ended up getting us lost multiple times. They have sadly never been very good with directions, but they tried so so hard. Officer Lindsay took them back home and asked their mom if she could take them to the police station to give a formal statement. Their mom asked them if they wanted to proceed, that she wouldn’t be mad or upset if they didn’t, but that she was with them every step of the way if they wanted to. move forward. They wanted to give their statement.

They got to the police station and were taken to a little room. They left Ringmaster for a bit before a woman came in and introduced herself. She asked them if they knew the difference between a truth and a lie. Ringmaster told her, “Well, a lie gets you in trouble and the truth doesn’t.” She looked at them funny and said, “The truth is what actually happened, and a lie is a made up story or fantasy.” They agreed and said, “Fantasy, like my books. I know the difference between fiction and nonfiction.” That must have been an acceptable answer because she moved on with her line of questioning. She asked them to state their name, birthdate, address, parents names. Then she asked them to tell her what had happened. She asked them what they had been wearing, and when they stood up to show her they were still wearing what they were wearing then she looked at them with so much judgement on her face. Ringmaster immediately felt even more shame, like they had done something wrong or deserved what had happened to them.

After questioning they immediately went to bed. They didn’t change. They just wanted to sleep, and Mom didn’t push it. Their dad called them and told them that he was sorry, but that he didn’t quite believe what they had said actually happened, but that even if it did he really needed the paycheck and wasn’t going to stop working for Kenny Bill, and that he hoped they understood his predicament. They said yes and started crying. They felt abandoned and depressed, like they didn’t matter. Their Mom took the phone and was very angry. She yelled a lot before hanging up. She gave them the biggest hug. How she kept it together so well after knowing what happened to them is a mystery, but it is something will never be forgotten. No matter what, she always believed them.

Kenneth William Carver spent two days in jail before all charges were dropped because they felt Ringmaster was parroting a story their mom had told them to say. They also said that due to Kenny Bill’s status within the community they didn’t feel that pressing charges was in the best interest of the town. Ringmaster’s heart was crushed. Kenny Bill’s wife blew up on their Mom at Homer’s, saying that her divorce was all their fault for “spreading our lies.” Kenny Bill Logging went out of business and Ringmaster’s dad ended up without a job anyways. He lived off unemployment for a bit before moving in with his old Birkland St neighbor in her new rental and getting a new job working as maintenance for base housing. But the rest of that Calamity is a tale for another day. Thankfully Kenny Bill died several years back, and he will rot in whatever Hell he believed in for the rest of eternity.

 

Welcome back to the Carnival of Calamities! In the last Show we introduced the Ringmaster, Daredevil, and Freakshow and shared some tidbits about them. This Show we would like to introduce their parents, Marvelous Màiri, who is performs Magic, Fire Acts, and other sideshow spectacles, and Klarholz Baraba, who is our Game Operator and Barker. They met when Màiri was performing in another show and a mere 15 years old, but that wasn’t a deterrent for the 18 year old Klarholz. Here’s their stories!

Màiri was born on a Thursday in mid-April of 1968. She came from a broken family full of unlearned lessons and unhealed wounds. There was a lot of hurt, pain, sadness in their hearts. She didn’t finish her formal education, but she never stopped learning in other ways. Màiri loved music, living life, meeting people, love, adventure, excitement.

She was the eldest child of three, and the only daughter. Her mother and father were only together for a couple years before divorcing, her mother subsequently marrying another man who would then adopt her and her little brother, subsequently changing their last names and the courses of their lives. The first year or two with her new stepdad wasn’t too bad, but home life fell apart rather quickly. There was a lot of abuse, secrets and chaos, and Màiri did what she could to cope.

She went to school with Klarholz, and initially had been dating his friend. Klarholz told the story of how he wasn’t a fan of Màiri at first, that she shot milk out her nose at him from across the table during a laughing fit, and he found her too bubbly. She must have grown on him though because it wasn’t long before they were  together and Màiri found herself pregnant. They decided to get married but ran into a hiccup. Màiri was only 17, which was below the age of consent. She made the choice to forge her mother’s signature to give permission for the marriage, and then it was official. Less than 6 months after Màiri and Klarholz were married they welcomed a beautiful baby boy they nicknamed Rat Tail. What should have been a happy occasion just added more stress to an already strained relationship, and what were cracks in the foundation became fissures. It wasn’t two years later that they were separated. Klarholz took custody of Rat Tail, and Màiri did what she felt she had to do in order to survive.

She loved getting gussied up and dressed to the nines, going to concerts and experiencing as much life as she could. She could make acquaintances everywhere she went, loved the night life, and had an infectious laugh that lit up the room. Màiri ended up pregnant by a prominent local horse racer fixer that she had been dating, and she was blessed with a sweet little girl, nicknamed Princess. Màiri and Klarholz reconciled a few months after Princess’s birth and Klarholz made the choice to adopt Princess as his own.

A year later Klarholz decided to join the military, leaving Màiri home with Rat Tail and Princess. Their first phone call since Klarholz had left for Basic Training had a couple surprises, she had wrecked the car, and she was also pregnant. It was a rough time, but they kept chugging along. He graduated from basic and moved the whole family across the country. The change from sunny beaches to rain and cloudy skies had a profound effect on Màiri. Her already fragile mental health became even more rocky and erratic, and her sedative use slowly increased over time.

Màiri tried to make friends, and was quite bubbly in most situations, but not a lot of folks could understand her struggles. Klarholz moved the family often when rents would change and Màiri would do what she could to capture memories for us kids to remember. She loved the Holiday season and would decorate for every occasion. She would make the kids their costumes for Halloween and would make ornaments with them for Christmas. She was thrifty, crafty, and creative in all the ways.

She loved her children, but struggled with her past traumas. She could be known to scream, throw things, break things, have full blown meltdowns that were hard for a lot of society to deal with. She was unable to hold steady employment before coming to the Carnival, but we could not be more pleased with her fiery spirit and unforgettable performances.

When Màiri and Klarholz split after 17 years together she handled it the best that she could. She was deeply hurt when Ringmaster decided to go with Klarholz and Rat Tail. She found a place in the next town over for her and Princess and went about trying to reestablish herself. It wasn’t long before there was an incident with Ringmaster and Rat Tail that made Màiri demand that Ringmaster live with her instead of Klarholz. Màiri fit both girls into one room and slept on the couch. She encouraged the girls to make friends and go outside to play which then gave her an opportunity to do the same.

Ringmaster always struggled to make friends so when she got along with Klarholz’s boss’s boys who lived just right down the road she was elated. Màiri felt that Ringmaster would be safe playing over there. Ringmaster would bring their Pokemon cards and they would play on the trampoline. Klarholz’s boss, Kenny Bill, was almost always home when Ringmaster was there and was cordial to Màiri despite his connection to Klarholz. She had no idea that Kenny Bill was a predator, and Ringmaster had never been safe there.

Màiri moved Princess and Ringmaster to the previous town they lived in and hoped they could start fresh once more. Klarholz responded poorly to the circumstances. Màiri tried so hard to try again and begin anew but addiction and trauma are heartless assholes. She shopped for doctors to give her Morphine, and sold the excess for extra cash. She was unable to work due to her limitations and disabilities so she worked on her people skills. She tried hard to find love again but her picker was too bent to work properly.

They were able to live there for a couple years before an explosion forced them to move across town. It was there that Màiri found a good friend who had a similar enough life story that they bonded quickly and lifted each other up when things got dark. Their daughters all got along well and celebrated many occasions together. There were fights, but their families would become intertwined for decades.

Màiri and the girls lived there for a few more years before chaos would descend and they would get evicted. Ringmaster put herself into foster care. Princess went to live with Klarholz. Màiri found an apartment in the capital city with a roommate and was thankful to not be on the streets. She wouldn’t keep that room for long though because after a fight with the roommate she found herself evicted once again.

Homelessness was really hard on Màiri. She eventually found a room at a sober living facility, and even met a kind man who adored her, but that pattern of chaos continued to follow her and she was once again homeless. She did everything she could to survive, but the continued changes and past traumas caused her to behave in unconventional ways. She lost many friends and became more and more isolated as the years dragged on.

She was resourceful enough to find a room in a group home with many other adults, sharing a bathroom with a few of them and a fridge with one other. It wasn’t what she had hoped for, but it was a stable roof over her head and a warm place to sleep at night. She would sometimes butt heads with her roommates but she tried hard to make it work. Her boyfriend spent as much time with her as he could but they had an up and down relationship. Màiri needed constant reassurance and had big reactions to perceived abandonment.

One fateful night they were fighting over texts and phone calls for several hours. Her boyfriend needed a break so he shut off his phone. She continued to call and message, desperate for him to save her but he wasn’t responding. Màiri, feeling hopeless, angry, and filled with despair, downed several handfuls of different medications assuming that her boyfriend was coming. Except that he had turned off his phone, just like he had told her, and had gone to sleep with the hope that he would be able to talk it over with her in the morning. When he woke up that morning and turned on his phone it was inundated with messages and missed calls. He raced to the city bus and prayed the whole trip that she hadn’t gone through with her threats. Sadly, his prayers were too late.

Màiri died by suicide two weeks after Princess’s birthday. She was 42 years young. However, her spirit continues to watch over the Carnival and we honor her memory when we sing no matter how we think we sound, dance however the music moves us, and never forget to turn our face towards that first warm sun after Winter and soak up the rays.

Klarholz was a Summer of ’65 surprise for his family. His parents were aging, and their older two children were close to being grown. He was potty trained by his older sister and always dreamed of being a cool army guy like his older brother and father. Klarholz struggled with learning in the public school system, and graduated by the skin of his teeth. He worked odd jobs and became a jack of all trades over time.

He joined the Army when he was 24 years old and was a dad to be of 3 after graduating from Basic Training. He switched jobs in the Army several times because juggling a psychiatrically struggling Màiri and three little ones made it difficult to do his work effectively. Klarholz often had to bring Rat Tail, Princess, and Ringmaster to the barracks because he had no sitter and Màiri was not well enough to care for them.

Despite his important career choice, he often made some not so wise choices. He stole a safe from a construction site as a young adult and his mother forced him to return it and its contents. He was once arrested the day after Màiri’s birthday and was charged with Criminal Mistreatment in the First Degree. He was offered a deferred judgement, and it was pled down to just Patronizing a Prostitute. The “prostitute” was only 15 years old, but the laws failed to help her. Klarholz was known for not wearing his seatbelt, borrowing things from his jobs that he wasn’t technically allowed to take, and being loose with his own building codes.

Klarholz didn’t stay long in the Army, less than ten years, finding blue collar jobs more suitable. Not long after leaving the Army he and Màiri split after 17 years together. After the split, Klarholz lived alone for a while, first in a camper trailer on his boss, Ross Reichel’s, property, and then in a ramshackle house after he quit the job with Ross Reichel Logging to work for their rival, Kenneth Carver Logging. He even stayed working for Kenny Bill after Kenny Bill had gotten caught molesting Klarholz’s youngest daughter. When Kenny Bill’s company folded, Klarholz started dating his old neighbor, Wendy Go, whom he ended up marrying a few years later. This relationship caused issues between Klarholz and Ringmaster.

Klarholz was never really involved with his children. If they wanted to spend time with him they had to go find him and try to convince him to let them help with his project. He always had projects to do. His concentration on his different projects is what helped him be blind to Wendy Go’s son molesting and raping his daughters. Klarholz never put much thought into his children’s feelings or needs beyond what money could take care of. He chose to go to a war zone for 3 years rather than help raise his children. Princess had to start working at 16 because Klarholz’s new wife wouldn’t purchase hygiene products for her, despite Princess still being a minor.

Klarholz only came home from his civilian job during the illegal war after he discovered his wife was spending his money on ridiculous things like more native porcelain dolls. He split from her and filed for divorce after being gone their entire marriage because he didn’t like her attitude since she had quit smoking, or her excuses about the missing money. He moved out into a hotel with Princess and into the first house that would approve him, which happened to be in the foothills of the local volcano.

Ringmaster was kicked out of foster care two months after Klarholz moved and he was forced to take custody of them. It wasn’t long after they moved in that Klarholz brought home a bubbly blonde named Bernadette. This was his newest love. He believed his kids had reached the age where they no longer required his involvement so he should be free to live his life and do whatever he wants. Klarholz ignored his children stealing from him, their obvious drug and alcohol usage, and much more just to regain the youth he gave up when he had children.

Klarholz and Bernadette bought a home and blended their families together. They became motorcyclists and joined the Legion. They bought a boat and a camper, took the blended family on trips and vacations, and put on a great show that only one of them actually knew it was all an illusion.

The more successful Klarholz became the higher the expectations became for his family, which unfortunately led to quite a bit of bickering between everyone. The more everyone fought the bigger the divide became between them. It wasn’t long before Klarholz’s narcissistic tactics drove a wedge between everyone forever.

Klarholz cheated on Bernadette with his secretary, Elphaba, which caused the end of their 15 year relationship. Klarholz kicked out Ringmaster, stole from his grandson, was so insufferable he made Bernadette flee when he was at work, and then went on a campaign for the Legion. He married Elphaba and retired from work. He has not spoken to Princess since August 2017, Ringmaster since May 2020, and only keeps Rat Tail around to care for his pack of hounds. He continues to make poor choices and it will be interesting to see what Karma believes he deserves when he’s old and grey.

Hello there, and welcome to the Carnival of Calamities! Where to begin? Might as well give a little information about some of the main characters in the Carnival. We’ll start with the Ringmaster, Daredevil, and Freak Show.

The Ringmaster (she/her/they/them) was born in November of 1990. They are the third child for their Mama, our Performer in the Carnival, but second for their Dad (biologically), who is our Game Operator. Dad always told the story of learning about Ringmaster’s existence as he called home for the first time since arriving at basic training and Mama told him she had good news and bad news. Dad asked for the bad news first and Mama told him that she had wrecked the car. He got flustered and yelled, “Well, then what’s the good news?!” Mama answered, “I’m pregnant!” Dad would always end the story with, “At least she had gotten the car fixed before I got back home.” That story sounded funny for the longest time, but when the Ringmaster got older, sat down, and really thought about it, they didn’t find it quite so funny anymore. It didn’t help that growing up their nickname was BooBoo, and the reasoning given was that they were a booboo and always covered in booboos so it just fit. They always felt like they were an unhappy and unwanted accident, a mistake, a burden. It didn’t help that their parents raised them to feel guilty for every little thing they did wrong. Mama and Dad did the best they could with what they had and knew, but their best sure left their children with a LOT of psychological and emotional scars from their childhood that their Dad refuses to listen to or acknowledge, and their Mama died in 2011 so she can’t hear a whole lot anymore.

The Ringmaster did pretty well in school, at least academically. They never really had a lot of friends, and struggled understanding the other kids. They tried hanging with the teachers, much to the adults annoyance, but would always be shooed away towards the kids, insisting friends their own age were more appropriate. The other kids didn’t want to talk about the things the Ringmaster had learned about in their encyclopedias, only running and playing. The Ringmaster read those encyclopedias every morning as they ate their breakfast bowl of cereal, and for fun in the afternoons when they would get home from school. They would take those encyclopedias to school in their tattered jean backpack and read them during recess. In kindergarten a girl on the bus chose them and decided their were friends. She had a wicked awesome playset in her backyard, and even a play house! They spent so much time in that play house together, playing pretend and talking about everything. The parents of the Playhouse didn’t seem too sure about Ringmaster, but they thankfully let them keep coming around, and even invited them to their first friend birthday party! There was a bounce house, snacks, goodie bags, the whole nine yards. It was like walking into a movie when Ringmaster came through the door. They were in awe. Playhouse’s mom made sure Ringmaster took a bunch of food and cake and such home with them. The mom was so kind to Ringmaster. There were times they would run down the few blocks to Playhouse’s corner to get on the bus with her, and when Playhouse’s Mom would see their matted hair she would sit them down, gently comb it out as best she could in the time allotted, and even once put it in pig tails because Ringmaster asked to match Playhouse. They stayed friends until around the time Ringmaster moved one town over halfway through 3rd grade. Most friends have come and go over the years for Ringmaster. There aren’t any friends left from their childhood, and only a couple left that knew them during their teen years. They were weird and awkward, Being undiagnosed Autistic added more strain on the ability to keep friends. Ringmaster was known for their meltdowns, strong emotional reactions, inflexibility to change, anger, sharp tongue, slamming doors, screaming. That’s a lot for people to deal with, especially when they don’t understand why they were the way they were.

Ringmaster loved reading, until they had children, but even then they have never lost their love for books. As a teen they could demolish a 700+ page book in a couple hours easily, read 6 books at the same time and keep track of where they were in all of them, and once checked out so many books from the library that they had to make multiple trips back and forth just to get them all home. They would read about the ocean, astronomy, animals, fantasy books, mythology, religion, psychiatry, anatomy, serial killers, different languages and cultures, etc. They have an insatiable curiosity to know, to learn, to absorb knowledge. If there was a human library near by they would never tire of hearing the stories of the many different lives people have lived. Since having children it has become more difficult to concentrate, to get lost in the worlds they read about and watch the movie it created in their mind. That part of themselves is greatly missed, but Ringmaster still reads when they can, but these days its limited to random Wikipedia articles and parenting advice to try and do better for their children than their parents did for them. Ringmaster would like to retire from the Carnival and become a librarian someday. They have dreams of walking among the tall shelves, helping others find the information they need, sorting, organizing, and putting books back where they belong. Someday.

Ringmaster’s older sister, Princess (she/her), was born in January of 1989. She was the Daredevil act in the Carnival of Calamities. Princess was put in beauty contests as a toddler and took to get professional photos done for headshots by Mama. Princess wasn’t biologically Dad’s kid, but he raised her from the time she was a tiny baby and stayed in her life until they had a big fight in August of 2017. But that’s for another story. Dad is and will always be her dad regardless of genetic material. They were close for the longest time, thick as thieves. It’s not right how Dad treated her towards the end. Princess deserved better. Princess started out kind of frumpy in elementary school but blossomed in middle school and really came into her own in high school. She would get all gussied up every chance she got. The Carnival loved seeing all the different hair colors and clothing styles she would choose for herself. Princess carried that passion for fashion into her adult years. She was the Belle of the Ball. Her entrance would light up a room and people couldn’t help but look at her. Princess was charismatic and could make friends anywhere she went. Literally. Ringmaster saw Princess walk up to a random person in a state across the country from their home, ask to buy some weed when it was still highly illegal there, and the dude actually hooked her up! Cant forget about the time she made friends at a campground to stay for fireworks and then had different families practically fighting over taking her home. Princess was a blast and had an incredible imagination. She was very artistic, could sing so well the neighbors would knock on the door to ask who the artist was on the radio. It was Princess singing as she often did with headphones on, cleaning while dancing. She was lively. She could shoot rainbow beams out of her asshole. Princess did a lot for Ringmaster over their life, practically raised them in some parts. Princess always got Ringmaster up for school, granted it was by throwing their big, heavy books at their head, but Princess made sure Ringmaster was out of bed. She helped pick clothes that wouldn’t get Ringmaster teased but were still comfortable, and would do their wild hair because they weren’t quite capable of doing so. She made sure they ate some nights when Mama slept too long, and was the one who washed Ringmaster’s hair for them when they were 11 and buckled the radius in their wrist. Princess used her hands as hand puppets to try and teach Ringmaster her version of Social Stories (“This is what you are doing, and this is what you should be doing”) because they struggled greatly with social cues and human interaction due to their undiagnosed Autism. When Princess worked at BK she would leave unhinged notes for Ringmaster on the wrapper of my whopper when they came through because she knew it would make them laugh. Princess almost always answered the phone when Ringmaster was drunk and needed to babble, and rarely hesitated to share her weed with them on those cold nights on the front porch when they lived in the foothills. She was the Maid of Honor at Ringmaster’s first wedding, did their hair and makeup to help them look “decent” for the inevitable photos. It was a sensory ick, but Princess was right. The ex looked frumpy but Princess made sure Ringmaster looked good. Princess knew the marriage was doomed from the start and didn’t like the person Ringmaster was marrying, but she showed up and participated anyway. She is brutally honest to a fault, but with the biggest heart ever seen in a person. Princess fell on really hard times after Mama died, and hasn’t been the same since. She is greatly missed, and the Carnival has not been the same without her.

Ringmaster’s older brother, Rat Tail (he/him) was born in March of 1986. He belongs to the Freak Show of the Carnival. Rat Tail is Ringmaster’s full brother, same parents. Rat Tail was a bit different from the start. Mama would tell stories of him as a baby wanting a new bottle and if she didn’t get up fast enough Rat Tail would grab the nipple, swirl the bottle around, and hit Mama with it in the face. She said one time he gave her a black eye doing that. Ringmaster doesn’t know a whole lot about Rat Tail’s early years, but they know they weren’t a very good time. By time Ringmaster started forming memories of their brother he had short hair but with a rat tail at the back that Mama was growing out, and would use to get ahold of him when he’d bolt. Ringmaster has memories being jealous of Rat Tail going to school and trying to climb onto the bus to go with him. One time they played house and Ringmaster ate a whole bunch of Country Crock margarine pretending it was ice cream and ended up very sick. Ringmaster remembers times where Rat Tail was gone, and he had to be visited at the hospital. They are unsure of why he was in the hospital, but they can only assume it had something to do with his Anger Monkey, that we all carry, getting out of control. Ringmaster remembers seeing Rat Tail fighting with police officers and pulling a knife on one from behind the couch. Rat Tail must have only been about 8 or 9 years old. Rat Tail struggled in school. He’s so smart, but the traditional school system was unable to teach him the way he needed to learn. He was frequently in trouble for fighting and getting suspended from school. He was a stubborn kid. Still is now at 37 years old. He was so determined to learn to roller blade as a tween that he would roller blade down this hill near the house we grew up in but he would always crash into the people’s yard at the bottom. He crashed over and over and over again. Sometimes people would end up sitting out there and watching him keep trying. Rat Tail has great determination and doesn’t give up easily. He ended up quitting school in 10th grade and has struggled through most of his life since. There were times he would get on his feet and things would be good for a bit, but old habits die hard. He was driving heavy machinery by 12 years old and skilled in construction. He is good with people to a point, personable, kind, caring, thoughtful. But just like everyone he has his limits. We have never really been close, or really seen eye to eye, but Ringmaster has always hoped for the best for Rat Tail, and tried to help where they could. They have tried over the years to be on good terms, but Ringmaster always end up saying the wrong thing and Rat Tail justifiably moves on. Rat Tail is currently homeless, doing his own thing, battling addictions, but still surviving. Prayers are said every day for him. It’s not right how this world failed him.